Vanishing Point Lessons

by The God Awful Small Affairs

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about

For moments of collisions // for mountains // for unintentional and wholly wild changes //
For lessons you have no wish to learn // for Chicago // for Rebecca // for music in basements //
For happenings that won't unhappen // for waking up // for falling asleep with you //

The God Awful Small Affairs are:
Missy Preston - vocals, guitar
Mark Muniz - guitar
Bryan Ramirez - percussion
Erik Lobo-Gilbert - bass

@thegodawfulsmallaffairs
thegodawfulsmallaffairs.bandcamp.com
facebook.com/thegodawfulsmallaffairs

credits

released June 2, 2019

All songs written by Missy Preston, performed by The God Awful Small Affairs

Recorded at Wolf’s Den Productions, in Chicago, IL
Mixed, engineered, and mastered by Erik Lobo-Gilbert

Text and Illustration by Adam Noelle Polak
Photography by Kayla Todd

All sounds made by guitar, bass, drum, and vocals

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all rights reserved

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about

The God Awful Small Affairs Chicago, Illinois

| femme fatale space rock |

Time Dilation, Demons, Joan of Arc's Lover, and the Science Fiction of your Most Personal Journal Entry

~ from the abandoned cathedral at the end of the galaxy

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Track Name: Devour You
One told me only use filtered water
and I told him to go straight to hell
One asked me if I was my father’s daughter
Said I was raised by a wishing well

As your thieving fingers broke the surface
I should’ve just pulled you in
‘Stead in the city by street lamp search for your warmth
wrapped in a disguise of a human skin


And I awake so hungry
I awake so hungry
I awake famished with your scent under my fingernails


As you sleep your blood pumps so hard your body moves
And I’ve never seen such a thing
After 2 years the holes in my brain might start to heal
And it's like I was never missing anything.
Never might turn to next month
Faster than a trap if I wanted to set one
And I start my games all playing from the end
I want to warn you as I dream
My hollow human hinges on nothing
But I keep a quarter of yours in a pillow under my bed


And I’ll
Devour you
And I’ll
Devour you


One showed clear interest in my insides
Yet his insides were not interesting
Sweet thing it's your touch that I desire
Every other one’s a tragedy

You’re breathing unrhythmically
And a blue bird breaks her neck
Flying to her lover her reflection
In your eyelids as you slept


And I awake so hungry
I awake so hungry
I awake famished with your scent under my fingernails


As you sleep your blood pumps so hard your body moves
I’ve never seen such a thing
After 2 years the holes in my brain might start to heal
And it's like I was never missing anything
Never might turn to next month
Faster than a trap if I wanted to set one
And I start my games all playing from the end
I want to warn you as I dream
My hollow human hinges on nothing
But I keep a quarter of yours in a pillow under my bed


And I’ll
Devour you you you
Said I’ll
Devour you


Three-eighty-five my love
Encase me in amber I’m still trying

And were he still alive I’m sure he’d say
Plenty of other things worth dying

Maybe we won’t be as happy as happy as happy was
As happy was before

But I loved him straight to his guts to his gore
Yeah, I loved him much for that blood oath he swore
Yeah, I loved him for his stories
Will he love me for the story


And I awake so hungry
I awake so hungry
I awake famished with your scent under my fingernails


As you sleep your blood pumps so hard your body moves
And I’ve never seen such a thing
After 2 years the holes in my brain might start to heal
And it's like I was never missing anything.
Never might turn to next month
Faster than a trap if I wanted to set one
And I start my games all playing from the end.
I want to warn you as I dream
My hollow human hinges on nothing
But i keep a quarter of yours in a pillow under my bed

And I’ll
Devour you
Track Name: Joan
I left you for no reason
I loved you for one season
I was born in a time of red water
While you were depicting coming ages of slaughter

Burn baby burn they chanted
Hysterical romantics
Never could reach you through smoke or dramatics
I’m hiding out in your bathroom attic

And who is this ‘God’ you’re speakin
To in fields and on weekends?
I’m the demon knocking on your door thrice
Crowing cocks or birds of paradise?

I tried to listen to
What Leonard sang about you
But no old white man could
Depict your dichotomy bitter / bliss / sainthood

You turn me to a pillar of salt
If I look behind me swallow you of that alter
You said I don’t have to be all alone
Well ain't that easy for a prophet to say, Joan.
Track Name: Teenage Love Song
Driving home on broken glass
I think at last light - I’m alone
Relax, breathe, deep this too shall pass
The voice of comfort
Is my own
I think - thank god I have me
I said - thank god I have me

Embedded poisonous design
The utilisation of the traits innately mine
And the anger
In my center
For those who should have lent their arms to bear me up
As your arms held me down

You showed me who they were
Wish you’d never shown me who they were
Wish you’d never shown me
Wish you’d never shown me
Wish you’d never shown me who they were
Wish you’d never shown me

Fuck you and
Tread softly man
I’ve got this big stick and all your
Strutting days are numbered and
I was so confused
Too young to know I’d been used
My destiny defiled
Come on
I was just a child and
Put that spray paint away
God damn you
You’re on holy ground
You deem my face worth keeping
Yet you
Hurt me while I’m sleeping
Am I not a human as I dream?
Maybe
Maybe
Oh maybe
Maybe teenage love songs
Are more than they seem

Moonlight on the sleep deprived
My memory like a microwave buzzer
Still untouched and in my mind
And the anger
In my skin cells
For the perpetrator of hell
Who should've held me up
As your arms held me down

You showed me who they were
Wish you’d never shown me who they were
I could’ve slept soundly
I could’ve slept soundly
Thinking that I had all of those barriers around me
And she says ‘don’t you understand
It’s up to each one of us to forgive our man’
But I think I’d rather fester
Think I’d rather fester

Fuck you and
Fuck you and
Fuck you fuck you fuck you and
Track Name: Witch Pope
He’s named after a book he’s never read
He carries a copy around in his back pocket
To startle strangers out of thoughts that they’ve left unsaid
For a starter
For a conversation

He likes to measure my goodness in musicians that are dead
He talks of hard times as fanciful yet he's never used cardboard for insulation
I have I have I have I have

When I first met him with his belt and his shoes cinched tight
Swear to god I did not want his attention
Sat across from him at tables and said don’t you look my way
Others might see you as on the level but I sense your thirst for ascension

With a single light bulb haloed over his head
In crowded basements he said
Competition has no place
In love
I thought
Is this the sentiment I’ve been fighting off?

And now he’s

Playing poker with the same cards I’m reading the future
He says ‘ante up’’
I say ‘we’re running out of time’
I search for sage to cleanse lay it down
confused he says ‘ you know this isn’t money so it means that you don’t win’
And while multitasking setting fires I want to curse him for being blind
Because
He's a magician and I’m a witch pope
I’m cerebral into stasis
And he's confused by every line
I’m lonely in this balance
But he's too busy climbing ladders he's made in his mind
Said those ladders that you’re climbing are just in your mind
You saw me as a door
Now all I see is a tar pit
He says ‘ what do you think about next year central heating and air and carpet?’
But I’m miles away thinking about what god whispered yesterday-
It's hard to hear magic in the city
It's hard to hear magic in the city
It's hard to hear magic in the city


There's no place for competition in love
There's no place for competition in love


He's a magician and I’m a witch pope
I’m cerebral into stasis
And he's confused by every line
It's hard to hear magic in the-

I’m lonely in this balance
But he's too busy climbing ladders he's made in his mind
There's no place for competition in love
Those ladders that you’re climbing are just in your mind
You saw me as a door
I’m sorry I became a tar pit
As the lighting fades on the archetypal face cards we play the truth begins to sharpen

That it's hard to hear magic in the city
And competition has no place in love
Maybe it was too hard to be magic in a city
But was it really just my magic that you were dreaming of?
Track Name: Rebecca
I sold my birthright today
And the water that he gave me didn’t quench
My thirst
Like it should have

I’ve been choosing to live
In this home
Without even a cursory knowledge of emergency
Emergency
Exits
Or windows

I’ve been saying
We should fix this lock since we moved in
But as I sleep my mind stays open
And you waltz on in

And should you ever
Like to see me again
I’ll be lucid dreaming
Smoking menthol cigarettes
In your childhood family den

Spirit
Are you with us now?
I’ll trudge through this tragic terrain if you’ll but
if you’ll but show me how
Been chasing you through time
But not one word you taught me
No not one
Not one comes to mind
Oh Rebecca in the shadows
Are you a, are you a friend of mine?

You, knowledge bringer
Force, faith, friend, family song singer
Thrower of knives
And the pinnacle of watchful wives

Do you, blame me for this road
I’m a misanthrope
No I misspoke
See I’m contradictions only
I’m agoraphobic lonely
I’m adventurous and holy
Trying
To be a better man

You say you bring me wisdom
But do you know
Do you know who I am?
Been turning to you through time
Can someone hold a place in your heart
And you never
And you never know why?
Oh Rebecca in the shadows are you a
Are you a friend of mine?

You said my name like it had meaning
But what version of me were you seeing
I thought if i could become what you said I’d be
That you’d let me be

And I’ve always been a fast learner
Now
Track Name: Unknown
You awake touching a body thats not your own
You urge your heart to soften
Cringe
Feel it turn to stone

Through half closed eyes you hypothesize
The clearest route to the door
And you allow yourself to gaze
At the unknown

You think
Weren’t we twenty-two and free
Never hurting anything


We were love compounded

He wasn’t sacred or trustworthy
Yet every third sentence you sent across the sea
Was come home

But they never listen do they?
No they never listen do they?


When are you coming home?
Track Name: Simple
It's simple short and sad
The best year I ever had
Left me crying in the shower
So hard I puked up on the floor

This song is simple short and sad
Fell in love but it went bad
Left me sitting at the kitchen table thinking
If I had a time machine which one would I warn

And if you don’t want to think about to think about to think about
All the things I like to think about to think about to think about
Then baby walk on home
If you don’t want like to talk about to talk about to talk about
All the things I like to talk about to talk about to talk about
I really don’t mind being alone

If you don’t find me interesting me interesting me interesting me interesting
In the ways you found me interesting me interesting me interesting
I’ve said it before-
Dedalus fly on home
No sweat no baby no sweat

And if you don’t like Bruce Springsteen
And you don't like the looks of me
When I’m crossdressing criss cross writing songs in his blue jeans
And if you don’t like time theory
And you only stay near me
To capitalize on renegade waves of yesterday's epiphanies
Know there is no more depth to me
No more discovery
Than I’ve already let you see

If you don’t want to dream to dream to dream
About the life we used to dream

I’ve always been a fast learner now

And I really don’t mind being alone.
Track Name: Rapture Moon
My wretched ruin of righteousness
Let this truth sink in
In this field of flooded light
Are you seraphim or scorpion?

Your face a stoic question
Is it my path that begs you to press on
Is it symphonic(ly) set?

And that weight you carry with you
Would it be lessened if i kissed you?
Make the space the hem is let.

My sincere and sweet obsessions
Are but vanishing point lessons i might
Soon forget


I smell metal
I smell metal
I smell metal
On your skin


Go now and leave me I might lie to keep you
Lie to keep you
Run your one chance won’t chase you
Lie to keep you
Lie to keep you
Oh, you’re in danger I might lie to keep you
Lie to keep you
I’d lie
I’d lie
I’d lie

Brush the menthol ash
From your coquettish collar bones
With our senses now deprived
Are you tigerseye
Or truth’s touchstone?

I know you speak to jesus
Call in sick he doesn’t need us
Let the vines grow ‘ore

And you can marry him come winter
Baby se simper erat e se simper
Know my place in all this lore

You’re collide - i - scope- ing forward
Your hand perched to push my door


And I smell metal
I smell metal
Heat like metal
On your skin


Go now and leave me I might lie to keep you
Lie to keep you
Run your one chance won’t chase you
Lie to keep you
Lie to keep you
Oh, you’re in danger I might lie to keep you
Lie to keep you
I’d lie
I’d lie
I’d lie


Do you think you’ll want me
When you discover I’m human fallible and ugly
Oh the patient price of birth

Recently my own lyrical stories don’t do it for me
In fact, i find them derivative and hollow and boring
But it's how I’ve chosen to spend my days on earth
Listen to this


A blood flower moon rose so bright and red over the flattest of all flat lands
That I convinced myself of the reality of the rapture
But with no gas stations for miles and miles and miles
I played it off to you as a joke

Months before
On a ride
In a strangers car
Through significant Chicago snow
To a future friends studio
I’d felt the fear before
An ending before beginning

Coming clean
I am center of gravity startled
I am a shaken up pressurized uncorked bottle
I’m an ant on a screw drivers tip in a tool box in the suburbs
I am useless
In the presence of my own ignorance
God you're the prevalence of my own ignorance


Tell me you know
Surely you do
All of the things I want to
Do to you


Tell me you know
I don’t suffer fools
All of the things i want to
Do to you

Come rapture moon
Come rapture moon
Come rapture moon
Come rapture moon

Come rapture come on come on rapture
Come rapture come on come on rapture
Fuck that rapture that mother fucking rapture
Come on rapture come on rapture
Come rapture moon
Come rapture moon

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